Eminem - The Real Slim Shady lyrics

May I have your attention please? [2x]
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady
Please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here

Y'all act like you never
Seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor
Like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door
And started whooping
Her ass worse than before
They first were divorced
Throwing her over furniture
It's the return of the...
Wait, no way, you're kidding
He didn't just say
What I think he did, did he?
And Dr. Dre said... nothing, you idiots
Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement
Feminist women love Eminem
Slim Shady, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walking around
Grabbing his you know what
Flipping the you know who
But he's so cute though
I probably got a couple
Of screws up in my head loose
But no worse, than what's going on
In your parents bedrooms
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV
And just let loose, but can't
But it's cool for Tom Green
To hump a dead moose
My bum is on your lips [2x]
And if I'm lucky
You might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message
That we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to
Know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Discovery Channel, don't they?
We ain't nothing but mammals
Well, some of us cannibals
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
Then there's no reason
That a man and another man can't elope
But if you feel like I feel
I got the antidote
Women wave your pantyhose
Sing the chorus and it goes

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady
Please stand up? [3x]
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady
Please stand up? [3x]

Will Smith don't gotta cuss
In his raps to sell records
Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too
You think I give a damn about a Grammy?
Half of you critics
Can't even stomach me
Let alone stand me
But Slim, what if you win
Wouldn't it be weird?
Why? So you guys could just lie
To get me here? So you can, sit me here
Next to Britney Spears?
Yo shit, Christina Aguilera
Better switch me chairs
So I can sit next to Carson Daly
And Fred Durst
And hear 'em argue over
Who she gave head to first
Little bitch, put me on blast on MTV
He's cute, but I think he's married to Kim
I should download her audio on MP3
And show the whole world
How you gave Eminem VD
I'm sick of you little girl
And boy groups, all you do is annoy me
So I have been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million of us just like me
Who cuss like me
Who just don't give a fuck like me
Who dress like me, walk
Talk and act like me
It just might be the next best
Thing but not quite me

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady
Please stand up? [3x]
[2x]

I'm like a head trip to listen to
'Cause I'm only giving you
Things you joke about
With your friends inside your living room
The only difference is
I got the balls to say it
In front of y'all
And I don't gotta be false
Or sugarcoated at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
And whether you like to admit it
I just shit it
Better than ninety percent
Of you rappers out can
Then you wonder how can kids eat up
These albums like Valiums
It's funny, 'cause at the rate
I'm going when I'm thirty
I'll be the only person
In the nursing home flirting
Pinching nurses asses
When I'm jacking off with Jergens
And I'm jerking but this whole bag
Of Viagra isn't working
And every single person
Is a Slim Shady lurking
He could be working at Burger King
Spitting on your onion rings
Or in the parking lot, circling
Screaming I don't give a fuck
With his windows down and his system up
So, will the real Shady please stand up?
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
And be proud to be outta your mind
And outta control
And one more time, loud as you can
How does it go?

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady
Please stand up? [3x]

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady
Please stand up? [3x]
[3x]

Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us
Fuck it, let's all stand up