Alaguan - The Cougar lyrics

The cougar
Too old to be your girlfriend, too young to be your mother
Easily identifiable by its strong markings and orange skin
The cougar is mostly seen in the wild
Patrolling its territory with an unsteady gait
Often aggressive to younger cubs
The cougar is known predominantly for its curious diet
Starving itself on sparse vegetation during the day
Then hunting large slabs of meat at night
Here we see a herd of young males
Nervously gathering at a watering hole
The cougar waits on the edges for one of the males to
Foolishly separate itself from the protection of the herd
Once isolated the young male is vulnerable
And often paralyzed by the cougar's sudden approach
Which causes the rest of the herd to scatter in panic

The cougar

The young male now has little chance
Of escaping the cougar's powerful claws
And vaguely pretends to be gay to water off
But this cougar has not tasted meat for days
And is in no mood to be so easily discouraged
And eventually the young male is dragged off
To the cougar's inner-city apartment
Where it will be cruelly made to listen to Enya
Or possibly The Eurythmics

The cougar

Cougar numbers have grown considerably over the last ten years
Due to culling of the cougar's natural enemy
The long-term relationship
Many areas are now overrun with cougars
Which has had such a devastating effect on the young male herds
That authorities have taken to introducing
A genetically modified young male to control cougar numbers
The parasite that latches onto the cougar's bank account
And slowly drains it, so, the cougar has no ability
To buy the shoes and gold jewelry it relies upon to catch its prey
The cougar is then forced to work longer hours
In marketing or human resource consulting
And is unable to spend nights harassing the young male herds

The cougar

The numbers of young males are slowly returning to their 1990 levels
But some experts worry they may be too effective
And are suggesting there may be a future need
To build more cougar sanctuaries like this one
To make sure the species doesn't die out altogether